COACH

Sven Differt  

Favourite Team : xx
Favourite Player : xx

GOALIE

4. Almond Bricis

The Beast from the East. Stupid and non-threatening, I have no idea what position he prefers to play, and quite frankly right now, I’m too afraid to ask. Thinks he can run faster and further than he can, last seen staring into space with Mike and Milan.

Favourite Team : Basel Nord
Favourite Player : Almond Bricis

Eurovision Knowledge

95%

Tracksuits / Donkeys / Turnips

100%

Shot Power

75%

Hair Density

35%

Intelligence

10%

DEFENCE

13. René Gerber

swiss

NATO. Loves a bier. Invented Fasnacht.

Favourite Team : FC Basel
Favourite Player : ..

Long Throws

85%

Tackling

80%

Debt Collector

88%

Badge Selling

95%

Fasnacht Leadership

100%

3. John Winter

John boy a poor man’s Thom Jutte, looking like the signing of the summer.

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Tomino Laczko

Unknown Slovakian entity.

Favourite Team: Arsenal
Favourite Player: Sergio Ramos, Nemanja Vidic

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6. Daniel Measor

A threat on and off the pitch. Questionable morals. Has been known to score a worldie.


Favourite Team : Everton

Favourite Player : Duncan Ferguson

Photoshop Skills

90%

Volleys

85%

Half Volleys

75%

Ability to make new friends

2%

Facial Hair

75%

21. Daniel Francis Hunt

Has now completed his transformation into footballing legend Phil Neville by cementing his spot at left back from centre mid, ironically Phil Neville started at left back and ended his career in centre mid.

Favourite Team : Sunderland
Favourite Player : Kevin Phillips

Left Back

100%

Passing

75%

Head

100%

Punctuality

0%

Tele Sales

95%

16. Bryan Murray

Apparently, if stories are to be believed, once had fun. Old, grey, knackered. But, really, top Dad skills.

Favourite Team : Celtic
Favourite Player : Jimmy Johnstone

Age

100%

Silver Hair

100%

Nappy Changing

100%

Lightweight Beerdrinker

100%

Posing for Instagram

100%

Marvin Liepner

Steady and reliable like an old Volkswagen Polo. Can often be seen acting as the pace car on the Basel Nord weekly marathons. Loves the word Ja.

Defence

90%

0-100 kmph

17%

JA

100%

Volkswagen Polo

100%

Diesel Engine Efficiency

76%

Jimmy Carter

Rambo is a delicate, tricky attacker, known for his silky skills and tenderness in the tackle.

Favourite Team: Sunderland

Feelings

0%

Heading

87%

Toughness

100%

Crocodile Shoes

100%

Creativity

1%

MIDFIELD

15. Stefano Atteo

Player of the Year – Nutella League 2007. Lovely footballer. Comparable to the slow rhino in Jumanji.

Favourite Team: Napoli
Favourite Player: Marek Hamsik

Vision

80%

Love of Running

10%

Love of Luca

100%

Love of Juan

80%

Passing

80%

5. Joe Grabauskas (C)

Floppy-haired captain who knows infinitely more than you (he studied Astrology, it’s about stars and clever stuff like that, you wouldn’t understand).

Favourite Team : Tottenham
Favourite Player : Harry Kane (he’s one of our own)

Smugness

80%

Fringe

100%

Love

100%

Ego

100%

Horoscopes

100%

18. Mike Seaward

Spring chicken, life and soul of the party, always got a positive outlook on life, sunny disposition always. Or not. Has the ability to alienate and aggravate opposition players / teams / management / supporters / countries with a single random outburst.

Favourite Team : Vancouver Canucks
Favourite Player : Gino Odjick

Respect for authority

20%

Seniors

100%

Penalties

100%

Speed of Mind

0%

Speed of Body

2%

10. Luca Sciascera

Ex underwear model for Barry’s Y Fronts Megastore. now spends his time in his bathrobe staring into the eyes of Stefano and Juan whilst discussing tica-taca football.

Favourite Team: Roma
Favourite Player: Frank Lampard & Francesco Totti

Technique

89%

Baller

100%

Bello

99%

Alcohol Frei Beers

100%

Punctuality

14%

8. Juan Pablo Duque

Comedy voice. Slimming champion of Cali 2016. VITU JUNGIS. Meester.

Favourite Team : Deportivo Cali
Favourite Player : Zinedine Zidane

Salsa Skills

85%

Italian Skills

12%

Looking Like a Turtle

90%

Ah-Ha

100%

Showering

38%

18. Ignacio Huesa Gonzalez

Spanish heartbreaker, youngest looking 40 year old in Basel. When drunk has questionable toilet habits.

Favourite Team : Real Betis
Favourite Player : Rafael Gordillo

Scoring

95%

Cold Weather Training

05%

Beard Oiling

85%

Siestas

100%

Honour Amongst Thieves

0%

Francesco Manoni

Quite Italian, rumoured to be the son of Mario or Luigi. Loves Pasta and your mommas favourite sauce.

Favourite Team: Juventus
Favourite Player: Marchisio

Speed

85%

Aggression

65%

First-touch

78%

Colgate circle of trust

100%

Pasta/Pizza/Shit Scooters/Hand Gestures

100%

17. Milan Csiszar

Ex Hungarian Rockstar, goes Oriental when drunk, his twin brother is a golden retriever. A thin Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose legs can move at ridiculous speeds. Should of been a tap-dancer.

Favourite Team : Unknown
Favourite Player : Ferenc Puskàs

Gulash

85%

Work rate

98%

Finishing

31%

Composure

25%

Control of Legs

3%

Dani Maravilhas

Portuguese midfielder, last seen hobbling off the pitch in 2016, if found please return to the Bears. Missing in action.

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ATTACK

11. Andreas Metzger

One half of the most infamous brothers since the Kray twins. Questionable tattoos, can apparently run for 3 days before needing water.

Favourite Team : Borussia Mönchengladbach / Man City
Favourite Player : Fat Ronaldo

Work Rate

90%

Gangster Rap

93%

Shooting

80%

Mood Swings

100%

Kit Washing

100%

9. Jock Hanley

Wet blanket. Gold member of the Young Professionals of Basel Association. Can ski at ridiculous speeds, in straight lines only.

Favourite Team : Spurs apparently
Favourite Player : Eric Cantona

Composure

95%

Acceleration

20%

Discussing Soft Furnishings

80%

The Boss at Home

7%

Range Rover

100%

Thom Jutte

The first to know when it rains, snows or when you need your gutters cleaning. Can run surprisingly quickly in clogs.

Favourite Team: AZ Alkmaar
Favourite Player: Van Nistelrooij & Robben

Finishing

95%

Length

95%

Crouch Stunt Double

87%

Neck

95%

Technique

95%

22. Xevi Santa Maria

So laid back he spends his time horizontal. A huge fan of scoring goals. Not a huge fan of ever having to move his body. Once had a pulse.

Favourite Team: Cadiz CF
Favourite Player: Ibra

Work Rate

36%

Rolling Cigarettes

97%

Tekkers

87%

First Touch

89%

Heart Rate

12%